Read Time: 5.5 min

The Idea: Giving Views and Opinions

In the past couple of weeks, we’ve been highlighting some of the most important leadership skills within teams, the subtle ones. They’re not loud, they’re not immediately obvious, and they’re often difficult to describe on a resume, but they’re some of the most important in making sure your team operates close to its peak performance.

This week, we’re looking at effective ways of sharing your opinion. We are going to establish up-front what this means. Someone who healthily shares their views and opinions with their teams is:

• Confident in their ability to humbly share what they think

• Offers opinions in ways that create further possibilities rather than closing others down

• Sensitive to the amount of time they talk and avoid dominating conversation

Anecdote: Roland Ortmayer, the coach you’ve never heard of.

Because of the nature of our work, it is not uncommon for us to be asked a question that starts with a question or comment like this:

• “Who do you think is the best college coach in the country?”

• “Who’s doing it the best?”

• “Tell me what you’ve noticed about the best coaches that you work with.”

I (Seth here) often respond that it depends on what you mean by “coach”. Today, most of the coaches you see on TV operate as much as CEOs and brand managers as they do Game-Day tacticians. It’s part of why it’s so hard to be a coach. Most people start coaching because of a love of their sport. Where they end up when they become a Head Coach is spending less than 50% of their time even thinking about the sport.

What people are essentially asking is — who is the best combination of a leader of people with an X&Os strategist? I have a theory that the best coach in the country is likely someone that you’ve never heard of. Now, I could be wrong (and am very willing to admit it).

But, coaches you’ve never heard of aren’t bound by conventional means of running a program. They have freedom from the pressure of being a high-profile coach which allows them to be much more objective about their role, their performance, and their teams’ performance. They don’t have to sacrifice by making “win now” decisions and can think long-term about what works in building a program.

Roland Ortmayer was one such coach. He was the longtime football coach (more than 40 seasons!) at the University of La Verne in southern California. His teams didn’t win championships. In fact, they were quite mediocre if you’re judging solely by win-loss records. But, Ortmayer was less than conventional.

He believed his role, more than anything — winning games, building a program, or chasing championships — was to help his players develop their thinking! He believed this so much that he refused to have a playbook. He wouldn’t let any of his coaches call plays. Here’s Ortmayer summarizing his philosophy on this:

Now, I’m not going to argue that this is the strategy every coach or leader should implement. But, truth be told, many coaches could likely learn from this perspective. Do we want our people to be highly responsive robots? Or do we want them to be able to think for themselves?

As a coach, I can’t tell you how many times, when a coach is speaking to another team (not their own) they advocate a message that is something to the effect of “Listen to your coaches. Do what they tell you and you’ll be successful.” There is merit to this message.

But, what about when there is no coach? Isn’t the merit of our performance as a leader how our people do when they’re away from us?

If we want our people to develop their abilities and their self-confidence to deal with problems on their own, we have to re-think how much we share our opinions versus guiding them to discover their own answers.

The adage oft-used in education is “Do you want to be a sage on the stage? Or a guide on the side?”

Crafting our messaging and sharing our opinions looks a lot more like coming alongside our people and sharing our opinions in subtle ways. It requires sharing in such a way that partners with our people and creates further possibilities for them.

Research Insight: Jack Gibb and Interpersonal Communication

Jack Gibb was a prominent psychologist known for popularizing the study of interpersonal communication, particularly in the context of team dynamics and conflict resolution. His work is especially revered in the realms of organizational behavior and interpersonal communication. Gibb identified six sets of contrasting behaviors that influence the climate of communication within groups and individual relationships, framing them as either supportive or defensive. These behavior dichotomies have become foundational in understanding how communication styles can either foster a sense of safety or openness or trigger defensiveness and conflict.

Instead of a list of 5 specific takeaways, today, we simply want to leave you with the six behavior dichotomies to consider in your conversations, discussions, and relationships.

Putting it All Together:

So, how do we state our views and opinions in a way where we can make sure that it is received?

1. Description vs. Evaluation:

   • Use neutral facts that avoid any “loaded” words or judgments.

   • “I feel like my opinion isn’t valued when you don’t ask me what my thoughts are.” (Descriptive) instead of “You don’t care what I think.” (Evaluative)

2. Collaboration vs. Control: 

   • Working towards a win-win where everyone’s voice and opinion are as important as the next person’s.

   • “What do you see that’s working and what’s not working?” (Collaborative) instead of “I know you think you’re right but I know best because I’m the coach.” (Control)

3. Straightforwardness vs. Manipulation: 

   • Direct, candid, unambiguous, open, and honest communication.

   • “We’re not starting you although you are scoring more this season because when you’re in the game, our team has lost by 25 points in your minutes over the last 5 games.” (Straightforward) instead of “If you just put in extra time before and after practice, that’s what we need to see for you to play more.” (Manipulation)

4. Empathy vs Indifference: 

   • Trying to relate to others’ perspectives to understand their perspective and promote a climate of care and respect.

   • “You were late to practice today. Help me understand what went wrong and how I can help you get here on time.” (empathy) instead of “Everyone has issues! If you can’t get here on time, you’re not learning what we are trying to teach you!” (Indifference)

5. Equality vs. Superiority: 

   • A sense of fairness, justness, and impartiality to the situation. Everyone has the same chance.

   • “I remember struggling when I was a freshman. It’s going to take some time, but I will help you learn faster.” (Equality) instead of “How many times have I shown you exactly how we’re supposed to do this? Here, let me do it.” (Superiority).

6. Flexibility vs. Certainty: 

   • Showing openness to new ideas and flexibility in discussions that lead to innovative solutions and greater buy-in

   • “I wonder if there’s a way we could do this better.” (Flexible) instead of “I’ve done this a million times and it always works. This is the best way to do it.” (Certainty)

Conclusion:

It's not about volume but about the impact of your voice. We champion leadership that's less about command and more about collaboration. Lead with humility, spark innovation with empathy, and embrace the power of every team member's voice. Let's not just lead; let's inspire a movement of thinkers, doers, and trailblazers. Here's to transforming the way we communicate, one empowering conversation at a time.

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